Steve draws insights from astrological events, the lunar calendar, and the spin of toilet water. (Illustration by Shannon Cay)


Here at the Springfield Daily Citizen, we have been crafting our strategic plan.

Our website has been up and running for just over a year. What are we doing well? What aren’t we doing well?

What are we covering that maybe we shouldn’t be? What should we be covering that we’re not?

To my surprise, someone suggested that a daily horoscope might be something readers would enjoy.

I thought about that and it occurred to me that over my long career, I have never written a horoscope. Until now.

Feb. 19-March 20

You are caring and giving. Many admire you for it. But do something for yourself today. Drive every roundabout in the city with windows rolled down shouting, “I’m seizing the day! Get out of my way, moron!”

March 21-April 19

Relationships are important to you. It’s time to find out who this other person really is in your life. After investing so much, you deserve to know whether this is a lifetime relationship. Hire a private detective and put a tracking device on their vehicle.

April 20-May 20

One door will close today and another will open. You will be fired.

May 21-June 20

You are a person of deep faith. Let that faith guide you to the higher ground, the right path. Someone at church during coffee hour will ask you to join a para-military group. Just say no.

June 21-July 22

One of your finer qualities is your humor and sense of mischief. Gather with like-minded friends and create a limited liability company and present phony plans to the City for a bait shop/nudie bar in the gated community of Highland Springs.

July 23-Aug. 22

The tension you have been feeling deep within comes from a lack of balance in your life. Drink less wine and more hard liquor.

Aug. 23-Sept. 22

Life has always been confusing for you. It can seem like other drivers are always honking and shouting at you, and co-workers are laughing uproariously at statements that don’t make much sense. It’s time to face the fact you’re not that bright.

Sept. 23-Oct. 22

This is your day. All your personal strengths match perfectly with the opportunities you will encounter. You can do anything you want. Accomplish anything. The world is your oyster. Bet your life savings on an obscure basketball game. This is called “grandiosity.” Stay in bed and take your meds.

Oct. 23-Nov. 21

You pride yourself in being prepared. Don’t falter today. Take your toothbrush when you leave home. By day’s end, you will be in prison.

Nov. 22-Dec. 21

Find Jesus. Remove all incriminating and embarrassing files and folders from your electronic devices. Buy a headstone. Cancel Netflix. Things don’t look so good.

Dec. 22-Jan. 19

Be a warrior. Be brave and courageous. Get your driver’s license renewed.

Jan. 20-Feb. 18

Trust your gut. Your instincts have rarely failed you. They are the reason you have gotten so far in life. If you think your co-workers are trying to poison you, they probably are.

This is Pokin Around Column No. 100.

Steve Pokin

Steve Pokin writes the Pokin Around and The Answer Man columns for the Springfield Daily Citizen. He also writes about criminal justice issues. He can be reached at His office line is 417-837-3661. More by Steve Pokin