This story is about a young man who died by suicide. If you or someone you know is struggling, reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing or texting 988. Burrell Behavioral Health’s 24-hour crisis line is available at 1-800-494-7355.
IN-DEPTH
First in an occasional series on child sexual abuse in the Springfield area.
Evan Boettler’s parents thought they were doing everything right when it came to protecting the Aurora teen from cyber predators.
Brad and Kari Boettler put off buying Evan his own phone until he was 15 or 16. They used Google Family Link to monitor how much time Evan and his sister spent on their devices. The parents had to approve any apps the kids downloaded, and the family routinely had open conversations about how to stay safe online.
Despite all that, a stranger pretending to be a teenage girl contacted Evan over a social media platform a few months ago. This person had embarrassing photos — or at least claimed to have photos — of Evan.
This person threatened Evan, demanding he send money or they would release the photos to Evan’s parents, friends and community.
Hours after the threats began, Evan died by suicide on Jan. 3.
This type of cybercrime is called sextortion, where children and teens are threatened and coerced into sending money and/or explicit images online.
Victims often don’t tell or ask for help because they are scared of repercussions threatened by the perpetrator and afraid they will be in trouble with their parents or law enforcement. Victims are also likely embarrassed or ashamed of photos or videos they’ve already shared and worried the perpetrator is going to share the images with others.
The crime has sharply increased in recent years. According to the FBI, there were more than 13,000 reports of sextortion in the U.S. between October of 2021 and March of 2023.
Particularly in cases of financially motivated sextortion, the victims are often boys between the ages of 14 and 17, but any child or teen can become a victim.
And at least 20 of these cases have led to the child taking their own life.
(Young girls often become victims to perpetrators coercing and pressuring them to send explicit images. But in those cases, the perpetrator is usually a man who wants more photos and videos — not someone overseas pressuring for money.)
The Boettlers are now sharing what happened to their son to educate others about this relatively new and dangerous trend of financially motivated sextortion.
Since they began speaking out, they’ve had numerous people reach out to say their teen experienced the same type of threats and online manipulation.
FBI: Predators pretend to relate to victims, lie about age or interests
According to the FBI, predators are usually located outside the United States, primarily in West African countries (such as Nigeria and Ivory Coast) or Southeast Asian countries (such as the Philippines). They are motivated by financial gain and will usually request money transfers, gift cards, and even cryptocurrency.
According to the FBI, predators often pretend to relate to victims, whether that’s pretending to be their age, have similar interests, or live in the same area. They easily misrepresent themselves online to appear to be friendly and age-appropriate.
Predators typically create social media profiles that look as though they belong to a teenage girl. They sometimes hack legitimate accounts known to victims, or they may create “copycat” accounts to appear as if they’re someone the victim already knows.
Evan had dreams, plans
Asked about their son, Brad Boettler stared straight ahead for a few moments before speaking.
“Where do you want me to start, because I could talk about him for hours,” he responded, emotional. “He was just a fantastic kid. And, I mean, I think every parent says that about their kid, but I truly believe that. He was one of the best.”
“He did what was right,” his mom added, “even when it wasn’t always the cool thing to do.”
Evan was an avid outdoorsman who loved biking, kayaking, hunting and fishing.
“He talked about being a professional fisherman,” his dad said. “He could honestly out-fish anybody. He would fish in a mud puddle or any body of water where there might be a fish.”
He was smart, too, his parents said. Teachers tell them often he was a pleasure to have in class. Evan had recently been nominated to go to Missouri Boys State this summer.
According to his parents, Evan was torn between the Boys State trip or a family vacation to Canada to fish.
Initially, family puzzled over reasons for suicide
Evan’s excitement for the future — be it Boys State, fishing in Canada or becoming a professional fisherman — coupled with no signs of depression or anxiety in the days leading up to his death initially left his family completely confused about what led to his suicide.
His parents recalled how happy Evan seemed over the Christmas break. They’d watched the Blue and Gold boys and Pink and White girls high school basketball tournaments and had family over to celebrate the holidays.
Kari Boettler described Evan as “a homebody” who played board games with family and friends on New Year’s Eve, just days before his death.
“We had parents contacting us saying, you know, our kid had class with him the day before,” Kari Boettler said. “He seemed totally normal. Or the day of, (he) seemed totally normal, like laughing. He was just himself.”
Mom became consumed with searching Evan’s phone
Evan’s phone was searched by a cyber expert with the Aurora-Marionville Police Department immediately following his death, but that search didn’t reveal anything unusual or troublesome, his parents said.
Kari Boettler continued searching through his phone, his texts and social media conversations — desperate to understand what happened to her son.
“It was a shock and I couldn’t figure anything out,” Kari Boettler said. “So I obsessed by going through his phone, trying to find any sort of messages, trying to get an answer.
“It became like an obsession for me,” she said, “searching it every morning, every night.”
Then on Feb. 5, Evan’s cell phone went through some sort of automatic update that caused some once-deleted or hidden messages to reappear. As she was lying in bed that night, she took yet another dive into one of Evan’s social media accounts.
“The messages — it was just at the top of the message thread,” Kari Boettler recalled. “I’m like, ‘Brad, I need you to see this.’”
“I wanted to vomit,” Brad Boettler recalled of seeing the threatening messages for the first time.
“I think we were both sick,” Kari Boettler said.
“It was unbelievable to try to process that,” Brad Boettler said. “You read it and reread it and then you read parts and then my brain was going 100 miles an hour. Because at that point, we still really didn’t know exactly what — I had no idea what sextortion is.
“It was overwhelming to get that,” he continued. “At the same time, you know, we had searched basically for a month for something that might have been a precipitation factor, what would have been a reason.”
“It kind of gave us an answer,” Kari Boettler said softly. “But it caused a whole new set of questions that needed answered.”
Investigation continues, parents work to raise awareness
After they discovered the threatening messages, the Boettlers immediately turned Evan’s phone over to law enforcement for the second time. Finding the messages allowed law enforcement to submit subpoenas to different social media platforms and do a full forensic download.
Following the discovery of the messages, the Boettlers worked with Marionville-Aurora Police Chief Wes Coatney to write a press release to be shared with the community and media.
They want people to be aware of this alarming trend in cyber crimes, the signs to look for and that it’s not just young girls being targeted by predators.
“Initially, no typical signs were apparent that Evan was suffering from depression, social or relationship issues, or any obvious struggles in life,” they wrote in the release. “A deep review of his electronic devices have now revealed that on January 3rd, just an hour prior to his death, an apparent extortion attempt took place over a social media platform.
“Evidence suggests that an individual had contacted Evan over social media and the person had photos of Evan. This perpetrator attempted to get Evan to send money via the internet in exchange for not releasing the photos,” they wrote, in part. “They placed Evan under extreme pressure to pay this money and made numerous threats if the money was not paid. These events are believed to have taken place only hours before Evan took his own life, presumably believe he had no other way out.”
The Boettlers are working to create Evan’s Voice, a nonprofit foundation aimed at raising awareness, supporting victims and families, and advocating for change. (Follow Evan’s Voice on Facebook for updates about the nonprofit.)
Their hope is social media companies will be more proactive when it comes to protecting children and teens from predators.
The Boettlers have shared Evan’s story with multiple media outlets and have been asked to speak at churches and to youth groups.
Coatney, with the Aurora-Marionville Police Department, is planning to implement cyber safety education into the department’s DARE Program.
“That’s our whole purpose, just to let people know,” Kari Boettler said. “I mean, our kids, we didn’t let them go up to their rooms and hang out on their phones all night. They were with us present, you know, on their phones.
“And we’re open and honest with our kids about what is out there and these things could happen,” she said. “This just wasn’t on our radar.”
